My Experience with Asperger’s

By Jae Hagar

Last week I watched the movie Temple Grandin. The movie is about a woman who is autistic and her life. By the age of four, she had not yet begun to talk, and of course her mother was worried. Because this movie was based in a different time, the doctor explained the reason for Temple's autism was “a lack of attention from the mother.” We now know that this is not a reason that autism occurs. Throughout her life, Temple struggled a bit to find out who she is. She went through high school, college, and then she changed the cattle industry. Everyone was surprised that someone with autism had the ability to do that, but because of her autism, she was able to think like the cattle to figure out what would help them and make the slaughterhouse operate more smoothly and more humanely. Temple now is a professor at Colorado State University. My favorite quote from the movie is, “I am different, but not less,” describing how she relates to people.

Just like Temple, I am aware that I am different, but I am also not less. I can’t really say that I don’t have autism, because by definition, I have Asperger's, which is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum.

I know that you’ve heard about autism, but maybe not Asperger's. So let's start with the basics. All of you probably have met someone who is on the autism spectrum or has Asperger's, but you may not know what it means. I bet you probably didn’t know that it was a spectrum. Autism is characterized by a lack of social cues, repetitive behaviors such as swaying or rocking, and special interests in certain things. People lower on the spectrum may have difficulty understanding emotional cues or communicating. Some are barely able to speak. But, being autistic doesn’t make someone stupid. A lot of geniuses are on the autism spectrum, including Bill Gates and Tim Burton. There are even many historic figures like Einstein, Michael Jackson, Abe Lincoln, and Beethoven who probably were on it as well, so don't call people on the autism spectrum "retarded,' just saying.
This is really hard for me to write because it's personal. Having Asperger's is different than being on the low end of the autism spectrum in many ways. First, people with Asperger's want to fit in but don’t know how (Hey, that's me!). Most people with autism don’t really care about fitting in. I want to fit in and interact with others. If I have ever called you my friend, and you called me the same, you might understand this. I used to do whatever I could to fit in, or get peer attention because I feel that I don’t get enough. I have always felt different, but really, doesn’t everyone? 
See? I don’t really know because I’m not everyone. I will reiterate that this is very hard for me to write because making the right kinds of connections with people (which writing comes down to) is my weakness. The movie Temple Grandin, which I mentioned earlier, inspired me to do great things. Just because I am different, doesn’t mean I can’t accomplish the things I set my mind to. (Bill Gates, Lincoln, and Einstein sure accomplished many things!) I have been told, countless times that I am going somewhere with my writing, and maybe, I will. My Asperger’s does not define my life. I define my life.

I shared my story so that you would understand, and hopefully, you do. I try really hard to be “normal” and to fit in. These things don’t come easily to me, and sometimes I try too hard. I am still learning about Asperger’s and autism. Hopefully, I will be able to write more about these topics to educate all of us more. A lot of these disorders (I hate this word) go undetected, and I feel like the world needs to know. This is why I am starting small, by teaching you. Hopefully, someday I can educate more people, maybe even the world.